What does it mean to be "Highly Sensitive"?

As I mentioned in my blog, “BlackAspie” I recently realized that I am a Highly Sensitive Person. My oldest child is also highly sensitive. It’s funny to think of him being so much like me: he looks like me; he’s built like me, and is discerning and very creative. When he was handed to me in the delivery room, I remember being shocked at how this little person had so many of my features. As he grew from an infant to an older child, I saw how intuitive and thoughtful he was [he is], he loves his family and friends deeply, and…will cry when seemingly unprovoked. Yes, he’s a crier.  I used to giggle at God, and say, “God, I really only wanted him to have the good parts of me, not the sensitive side.” You see, I think it’s much harder for a male to tread through this world as a sensitive soul. Men are not supposed to cry, feel and express pain, or deep empathy. I was worried that my boy would be so consumed by the hurts and injustice in this world that he would not have the energy to also see the goodness and happiness in life (and have balance).

My discoveries about these traits in myself and my son lead me to the website, “The Highly Sensitive Person,” and the woman that coined this title, Dr. Elaine Aron. Dr. Aron describes the HSP as, “a distinct personality trait that affects as many as one out of every five people… the Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) has a sensitive nervous system, is aware of subtleties in his/her surroundings, and is more easily overwhelmed when in a highly stimulating environment.”

These are some of the traits for an individual that is “Highly Sensitive”

·         Easily overwhelmed by such things as bright lights, strong smells, coarse fabrics, or sirens nearby?

·         Rattled when you have a lot to do in a short amount of time?

·         Make a point of avoiding violent movies and TV shows?

·         Need to withdraw during busy days, into bed or a darkened room or some other place where you can have privacy and relief from the situation?

·         Make it a high priority to arrange your life to avoid upsetting or overwhelming situations?

·         Notice or enjoy delicate or fine scents, tastes, sounds, or works of art?

·         Have a rich and complex inner life?

·         As a child, did your parents or teachers see you as sensitive or shy?

These traits rung true with me, and I was more thrilled to learn that I am not alone. Of course, the HSP is not a disorder rather a type of personality. HSP can be introverted or extroverted and come in all colors, shapes, and sizes. J Another key characteristic for the HSP is having a high level of empathy.  Dr. Aron, who is also a HSP, believes that being sensitive is not a flaw! She states that many HSPs are often unusually creative and productive workers, attentive and thoughtful partners, and intellectually gifted individuals. Gosh, I am really digging that I am HSP now; it’s the New Black!

My revelation of ‘HSP’ peaked my interest in finding others who believe they meet the characteristics for the Highly Sensitive personality.  I also have an opinion on who I think is the most famous HSP [Oprah]. Perhaps Michael Jackson was also a HSP. Any who. I will update this blog with topics that I find interesting and relative to living as a Highly Sensitive Person. I am also working on a theory about how I ended up marrying [soon to be divorcing] an individual on the low scale for empathy.  This might be a problem for many other HSPs. I remember how I felt upon first meeting my children’s father: feeling pity for him.  I knew in my heart something was off, but I had a strong desire to nurture him. Then, I married him against my better judgment.

This is kinda off topic, but I think it sheds light on how l perceive events in my life. Over the past few weeks, I’ve been dealing with a painful abscess; thankfully it is healing beautifully, but in the beginning stages, I was in excruciating pain and depression. The reality of living with two individuals with Aspergers is magnified when I am not feeling well. The Aspergers father shuts down and is unable to interpret and facilitate the situation. He goes from low-functioning around the house to no-functioning. Thus, I am left to do everything, manage the house and small children in spite of my pain. This alone is overwhelming. Add a cranky Aspergers preschooler in the mix, and the situation goes from bad to worst really fast. Then, there’s my fellow HSP son; he gets so worried, internalizes his fears, and ends up making himself sick.

Thank God for his grace because I needed it and relied upon on it these past couple of weeks. I felt so alone, confused, and afraid. I had to drive myself to and from the ER 3 times. I asked God, “Why?” Cause, I can’t take living like this much longer. I long for reciprocal companionship and spiritual partnership. As I wept in the hospital room on the 3^rd day, I felt a peace come over me. My spirit echoed, “The best is yet to come. This too shall pass; and in the end it will all make sense. Love casts away fear.”

Regardless of the hardship that I have dealt with having loved ones that are low in empathy, they are gifts in my life; they teach me about myself, and challenge me to remain authentic. Will I only have compassion for them only when they are behaving right? Or will I reach for the higher sentiment to love unconditionally without reproach. This lesson or situation, “3 lonely ER visits and an abscessed eye,” taught me that ‘To Love’ is always the right answer. It, most definitely, helps me, but it is what everyone deserves; and I am eternally equipped to distribute it.  I have an unlimited supply of love and grace. And most importantly, “Love heals!”

For more information on the Highly Sensitive Person, go to: www.hsperson.com